by Travis Mateer

My solution to fix the national debt is as brilliant as Jonathan Swift’s proposal to help the dumb Irish by suggesting they sell their babies to the elite for food. Is killing a part of my proposal? Of course! And if you think a little justifiable killing isn’t on the minds of most Americans then you haven’t seen the latest survey about murdering Donald Trump and Elon Musk.

A shocking poll has discovered that a majority of Americans identifying as left of center politically believe that murdering President Trump would be justified.

The survey was conducted by the Network Contagion Research Institute, which describes itself as “a neutral and independent organization whose mission is to identify and forecast cyber-social threats and report on them in a timely fashion.”

A total of 55 percent of leftists responding to the poll said that the use of deadly violence against their political enemies is acceptable, with 48 percent also saying it would be ok to kill Elon Musk.

While Americans daydream about murdering their president, THE STATE would like to kill the alleged CEO killer, Luigi Mangione, to teach us ALL the important lesson that killing the wrong person is wrong.

Another alleged violent criminal connected to some fascinating killing has a cool name and compelling backstory, and that’s the person at the top of the murderous Vegan death cult known as Ziz.

For fans of Dr. Seuss, I should note that any similarity between THIS Ziz and the Zizz from Dr. Seuss’ ABC book is merely coincidental.

Since THE STATE is already planning on killing Luigi, my modest solution is simple: privatize the public execution of Luigi Mangione by adding some ZIZ to it and turning the execution into a pornographic snuff film.

Then, by using the technology of blockchain, we will turn the snuff film into 30 unique NON-FUNGIBLE TOKENS (NFT) and sell them for a Trillion dollars a piece. Can you say GOODBYE DEBT?

I know what you’re thinking. Who would spend that kind of money on that kind of content? I dunno, how about this guy?

My unconventional approach to fixing the national debt not only monetizes state-sanctioned violence for the benefit of regular Americans, it would also act as a sort of release valve for the growing bloodlust Americans are feeling and, if the headlines are to be believed, expressing more and more toward hilarious targets, like electric cars and the people driving them.

Sadly, most of my good ideas never seem to materialize, but this one is the first to offer a final solution for an amount of debt so large the human mind can’t fathom it, at least not without the help of a brain chip or something.

Thank you for reading my very not modest final solution for fixing the national debt. With your help I think we can get this done!